Jeremy Cutler

May 3, 1999

Greetings Mr. Pinkwater. We are from Mr. Cutler’s 5th grade reading class. We just finished reading The Snarkout Boys and the Avocado of Death and we loved it! It was the best book we read this year. Now we have a predicament, however. We are looking for a play to read and perform that is not tremendously long, difficult, or serious, and we have found NO GOOD DRAMA for kids in any library, bookstore, or web site. Can you recommend any scripts or screenplays to us in the Pinkwater genre? (Somebody said there was a good play of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory but that might be too long and we haven’t been able to find it anyway.)

Thanks for your help!

-Mr. Cutler’s 5th grade reading class.

Alexandra Reed

May 2, 1999

Hello Mr Pinkwater,

It’s the evening of Sunday May 2nd. My 4 and a half yr old daughter loves hearing your Chinwag Theater programs with me. Today it was the story about the wizard who turned into a frog so he could be happy for ever. My daughter, Catesby, really took this to heart and rushed to find a plastic bead from some broken necklace which she invested with the honor of providing the well-spring of all our happiness. WE are now to clean and care for this bead to ensure our ongoing good fortune.

Thanks for the positive influence you are exerting on the life of our family.

Kind regards

Alexandra Reed

Molly Jordan

May 1, 1999

Dear Mr… Pinkwater,

I have read you books Borgel which is the first one I read and is my favorite. I named my lizard after it. I have also read Slaves of Spiegel(Is that how you spell Spiegel?) and Alan Mendolshon, Boy from Mars. I think you are a funny Author. My teacher thinks you are a crazy one.

Is it true you are coming to Maine? I live in Maine. How many books have you written?

Do you have any pets? one more thing. Where do you get your ideas????

Sincerely,

Molly Jordan.

Matthew West

May 1, 1999

Hello there,sir!

So I just finished reading the response regarding xlibris.com, and went to check it out. I may have friends who could use this! my question for you is this: to what extent are you exploring this? And also this, I guess: What books might find themselves available through this source? and possibly this: how long does that stuff take to do? I just recieved my first shipment from amazon today–four of your books! I read Ned Feldman for the first time, and am starting on Robert Nifkin. Wonderful. Daniel, I am rolling. And, when can we expect FAT CAMP COMMANDOS? The coffee shop in question is really easy to get to. Just take highway 64 west out of West Memphis. When you get to Bald Knob, take 67 south to Searcy. Take the first exit onto Race Street and follow west until you reach Midnight Oil Coffeehouse. Make sure to bring some suntan lotion as your neck will tend to redden. Is redden a word?

Erica H.

May 1, 1999

Dear Mr. Pinkwater,

I am an author and poet, and have been since I was four (I’m seventeen now.) Your books have always inspired me. Okay, the nice part’s over. I’m not going to insult your cigar (although I do disapprove of it) but I am going to question your generalization that kids shouldn’t write rhyming poetry. As evidence I submit The Ballad of Noah’s Ark and the Fishes, which I wrote as a high school freshman:

The Whales and the Dolphins, the Stingrays and Sharks
Were quite unconcerned with the building of Arks.
When the Heavens declared that the flood-rains would fall,
They counter-declared, “We aren’t bothered at all!”
A Camel walked into the Ark, then another,
And two Flying Squirrels who hated each other
(But later were forced into matrimony
Whilst Sea Turtles smirked up at them from the Sea.)
Two Seagulls arrived, drawing laughs from the Whales.
(They’d almost mistakenly chosen two males.)
The Swordfishes giggled, the Sailfish guffawed
And the entrance of Chickens brought sneers from the Cod.
The Flying Fish leapt through the air in their mirth
When ten feet of rainwater flooded the Earth,
But a young Moray Eel took a gulp and cried, “Ish!
We can’t live in this, we’re the Salt-Water Fish!”
The Creatures who generally lived in the Ocean
Became overcome with remorseful emotion.
They begged for assistance at starboard and port:
“You’ll all be to blame if our lives are cut short!”
Despite all the ruckus from Deer and Gazelle,
Who felt that the Fishes could all go to Hell,
and the Rhinos who cried, “It’s their own bloody fault!”
Noah dumped over a truckload of salt.
The Freshwater Fish were offended and cried,
“Hey Eel! Keep your salt on your own bloody side!”
But somehow they managed to get through the flood
And the ship was at last washed ashore in the mud.
When the Dove flew to Noah and gave him her Leaf,
No one concealed their tremendous relief,
But the Animals felt a bit Predatorish,
And that’s why so many Land Creatures catch Fish.

That poem was a finalist in the College of Saint Catherine’s Emerging Writers Contest, a competition for juniors and seniors, and I think it’s a very nice poem if I do say so myself. But then I’m not an average kid. I’m an extraterrestrial. I know that because when we read The Muffin Fiend my dad made us gorgonzola muffins as a joke, and I loved them.

Sincerely, Erika H.

Brad Anderson

April 29, 1999

When you and Scott Simon discussed POLKA BATS AND OCTOPUS SLACKS, I gathered that you are the true author, the elephant is the pseudonym. Am I wrong? It sounded so like you. Also, eons ago I heard a poem, I thought by you, which talked about a man who whittled so enthusiastically that he cut off his head and whittled a new one. Where would I find the book containing that and other works of similar ilk? I see you and the might malamute in the photo gallery – is Jill only behind the camera?

Laurel R. Johnson

April 28, 1999

Dear Daniel Pinkwater,

I wrote years ago when my boys were younger and reading your books for the first time. I have enjoyed both your comments on PBS and your encouragement to the Ditzy Alabaman who has written several great books at your encouragement.

I am thrilled that so many adults know you now, who, if they hadn’t paid attention to their children’s books, would have missed your great sense of fun. My request is in regard to the lack of illustrations in adult fiction these days. I just finished reading Winston Churchill’s CONISTON, which if you haven’t read, I recommend, both for the story and the illustrations.

As I began my next book, I checked it our for illustrations before I realized this is a modern book, and (boo-hoo), no illustrations. You have alot of influence. I know you like illustrations. I feel that books are the lesser for not having them, and artists are not being employed where they might enlarge our visions.

Why should children have all the good pictures?

Sincerely,

Laurel R. Johnson

Joan E. Lewis

April 28, 1999

Mr. Pinkwater: Our priest read your book “Doodle Flute” at mass a few Sundays ago. It received a round of applause from the congregation which is unheard of in the Catholic Church. Please tell me where I can buy copies of your book. I have exhausted all of the book sellers on the net. No one has it. I feel it is a great book for our grandchildren. I need 3 copies. Hope you respond. Thanks.

KKn1606

April 27, 1999

Mr.Pinkwater

PLEASE!!!!!!

Stop Smokin` Cigars

Why???? Because I don’t want it to slow you down from writing AWSOME BOOKS

Judy Horn

April 26, 1999

I have heard you mention a hot dog emporium somewjere in upstate NY. I once lived in that area (Beacon) and would like to know where this plce is and, of course, if it still exists. I suppose now that you’re svelte, you’d never go there again, but I’d like to visit this shrine.

Judy Horn

Terrizzo

April 25, 1999

I think I heard you on NPR but didn’t hear enough of the broadcast to catch the name of the delightful new poetry book you read from . Would you let me know what it was? Thank you!!!

John Deary

April 21, 1999

Dear Daniel Pinkwater:

My name is John Deary and I am doing you for my literature term paper. We have to write about a childrens book author and I chose you. I was wondering if you had any information on your family history, any crazy childhood events, and awards you have won on account of your stories. If you could write back, that would be extremely helpful!

Sincerely,

John Deary

Stephen Benoit

April 20, 1999

Dear Mr. Pinkwater,

I am a schoolteacher here in the Bronx NY and I grabbed the book Ducks off the shelf to read to a class I was covering at last-minute notice. Usually I like to preview a book before I read it aloud, but the cover seemed beguiling, and there weren’t too many words in it. Now I’m a veteran of reading many books to first graders, and few have the power to engage an entire class for upwards of ten whole minutes. Not in my neighborhood, anyway. Now I’m not saying the tittering tots understood Ducks, but we sure enjoyed reading it, and it was marvelously (and strangely) thought provoking.

Thank you some fifteen years later for a fine book.

Stephen Benoit

CES 230

Bronx, NY

Matthew West

April 17, 1999

Captain, our Captain. Found this web site and got irrational. Had to write too quickly. Hadn’t gathered my thoughts. Dangerous. What I did was make this big mistake. I decided I would go through the archives page by page and make sure my questions or comments hadn’t already been addressed. That took a long time, and it turns out not to matter, because I’m still gonna say the same stuff. One quick thing: Daniel Feldman, if you’re out there, write me at the above address. That said: The cover on the recent Lizard Music sucks. So I’ve got a solution for all of those out there who agree and want to lend your books out but don’t want to taint any early impressions: Put a big, fat piece of duct tape over the cover, and write the title in big black permanent marker. This will also make the book last longer. Captain, your illustrations are half the fun–they go with the content. Strange concept for some, I guess. Next, I should make it known that my friends and I took a couple of your books a little too seriously, and did some Snarking of our own. Word of advice to young readers who would like to try it out–don’t get caught by your parents. I got grounded for a month. It was really a drag. Why is WORMS underrated? What’s to be underrated? I loved that book. Who were the underraters, and where can I find them? Finally, and I promise this is the last word–at least for a few days…I have a proposal for you, Captain Pinkwater: I now own a coffeehouse in Central Arkansas. I am proud of the establishment. I would like you and your wife to come and fill my chairs as you prepare your future works. Perhaps this would be a draw to these southerners who do not, for one reason or another, understand the concept of a coffeehouse. Which is, of course, to sit, read, fellowship, buzzzzz. In return, I will give you free coffee, cheesecake, and encouragement. What more do you want. Negotiations are open. When’s that next compilation coming out? Get with it, or there may be some trouble ahead. That may or may not be connected with the illuminati.

Claudia Arkush

April 16, 1999

I have been trying to obtain Fish Whistle on tape with no luck. I then got less particular and tried to get ANYTHING on tape. Amazon.com tried to be helpful and searched for out of print audio tapes, got a few leads but they all fell through.

Listening to you during my oh so boring commute would make me feel greatly enriched.

Any chance of re-issuing?

Claudia Arkush