Jeff Bartone

July 17, 1999

I fell off the edge of the wired world for a time… the computer died; I took my beloved and kids off to travel in Mexico; we got a puppy… but, now I’m back with the same request to get you out on tour. actually, we just wanted to get you here, to lovely Olympia, Washington for an appearance. when I found out you no longer choose to fly I searched around for a big bus. I found the bus but when I figured the cost of the big bus it seemed necessary to plan some big bus stops along the way to make the BIG (bus) MONEY necessary to subsidize the visit to Oly. there’s a great deal of country between here and there and many the student, teacher and hound who would seriously consider turning out for a Pinkwater address. as long as we’re doing all that driving, speaking, and all it seems a good idea to document the process… digital video. heck, it could be boiled down and released back to the very people who supported it along the way to further cover costs. anyhow, I’m ready to go way out to reel you into olympia.

Son of George

July 8, 1999

I shall place all your books in brown paper wrappers and make sure that children wearing trench coats do not read them. (sorry gallows humor but after the discussions in my classes i either want to cry over our youth today or scream about them) on another note and perhaps more important…what is your view on ridding the internet of filters allowing all access to all people no matter the content?

Son of George

Anne Claire Broughton

July 8, 1999

Dear Mr. Pinkwater,

Hi! I wrote you a smailmail fan letter a few years ago, and I am still a big fan of yours! I just received these silly dog puns in an email and thought you might get a chuckle from them.

[redacted]

All the best,

Anne Claire Broughton

Carol Hoffmann

July 7, 1999

Having grown up on the shores of Lake Ontario, with the Rochester Public Library and it’s secret room – could you possibly convince someone to reprint YOBGORGLE: THE MYSTERY MONSTER OF LAKE ONTARIO ? My children loved to hear the story and I want to be able to share it with others in the neighborhood – and now the only copy I know of locally has disappeared from the library’s shelves.

Carol Hoffmann

Librarian

ineffable f.

July 6, 1999

Mr. Pinkwater, Mr. Pinkwater! Do you remember me? I’m ineffable f. I asked you for help regarding a girl named Shakespeare’s Fifth Sonata who was not speaking to me, and you said, “She will be yours, in nine years is my guess. Use the time to perfect your personality even further.” Well, I’ve taken your advice as well as I could, and the results have been as follows:

1. I have acquired some amount of social skills. Flippant Regard gave them to me and taught me how to use them.

2. I may have written a poem, but I’m not really sure.

3. Shakespeare’s Fifth Sonata started talking to me, just a couple of weeks ago.

She insisted that I write her a song, so I did. I think it’s pretty good. Also, she gave me some Corn Nuts. Today, we read passages from Romeo and Juliet to each other at Iron Lemming’s going away party, and the slug is convinced that we’re going to get married. I’m a little worried though. I think maybe this is going too well. How will this impact my ten-year courtship plans? Oh, by the way, I gave her a copy of Lizard Music a while ago, but I don’t think she’s read it yet. If it’s not too much to ask, I’d like you to send her an e-mail encouraging her to read it as soon as possible. She doesn’t have e-mail, so send it to the slug.

Thank you for all your help. If it weren’t for you and your books, I might not be wearing these comfortable pants which I purchased at a thrift store.

Eliza Stewart

July 6, 1999

Dear Mr. Pinkwater,

Your books have made a tremendous impact on my life. I would express my feelings here on the Net but I feel the only truly adequate response would have to be an interpretive dance or something. Thank you so much for inspiring me to be an individual, to draw, to write things down, to dance, to dream things. I will never forget the feeling I had reading your books when I was young and the incredible sense that it was okay to be weird and possible to be a weird adult. I hope you understand what I mean. I teach seventh grade now, and I still read your books all the time, particularly to remind myself of a more pleasant world (heh) and to avoid the unconscious automatic use of the word “butt” in polite conversation.

Sincerely, Eliza Stewart

Casle Portner

July 3, 1999

We are searching the web for Dada Ducks and we keep getting websites that mention you. We don’t know why. Did you write a book about Dada ducks? I have your Larry books, except Ice Cream Larry. The kids like Young Larry best.

Son of George

July 3, 1999

why, Mustafa Please. do you feel that a collection of your works would dishonor a library. Besides it is not mine it is the property of the people and the people demand more Pinkwater. Now that can be taken two ways but what I mean is we want more literature not a greater girth although that might not be so bad either. In any case your eminence, we the people demand libraries with your books in them and I am out to provide that…what is so wrong with this idea?

Mathew West

July 3, 1999

Big Chief.

Just recieved my copy of THE AFTERLIFE DIET from xlibris. They did a fine job. I haven’t been able to read it yet, as unfortunately, I have a job. Well, maybe it’s not really a job…Anyway, what’s the word on that next compilation with YOBGORGLE and WORMS? I have been absent from the site for a while, but as soon as I think I’m free, they pull me back in! Do you like baseball?

Erik Hamilton

June 30, 1999

Hi Mr. Pinkwater,

You were an inspiration to me in High School, of all places. Were it not for Dada and the lesson of Kevin Schapiro, I’m sure I’d have ended up badly, or someplace else, who knows. Anyway, it all had an effect on me, maybe even a good one.

Anyway, my question:

Are you a fan of Slim Gaillard’s music/jazz in general? If not, what sort of music moves you? If you’re not a Slim listener, how’d you manage to name one of your characters (Hodi macBodhi) after a line out of one of his nonsense songs?

Thank you,

Erik Hamilton

Julie

June 27, 1999

Mr. Pinkwater,

I had lunch at the local IHOP last week, and I noticed that one of the menu selections is an “Avocado Bacon Burger.” I immediately thought of you!

Sincerely,

Julie

Ben

June 24, 1999

This is I Ben, son of George. I am in Graduate School now and have a 4.0 average. I still plan to go to some library and make damned sure they have every book you ever wrote. Well except for Java Jack. You once told me not to include that one. You said you were not fond of it. If you have changed your mind I shall include that as well.

I hope life goes well, and I hope Jill is well and the animals too.

Youa re included in my web page and i will get the address to you once the page is sort of together.

Ben

Justin

June 24, 1999

I’m just kind of curious. I remember a half-dozen years ago, seeing the book “Night of the Living Lizard” (or something to that effect), and buying it just because it had your name on it and at the time I was starved to own anything to do with you. I found it moderately interesting. A few years ago, I got a copy of some other piece in this trilogy which was just… awful (though I loved your afterward.) Now, one stupid question: What the heck was that and what exactly did you have to do with it? I suppose there were clues in The Afterlife Diet, but… hm.

Susan Pinkwater

June 24, 1999

Hello manus, um, Daniel, er, um Mr. Pinkwater-

I thoroughly enjoyed your book Chicago days Hoboken Nights. (I love the kids stuff too)- but this one in particular was interesting because i was certain that you had crept into my father’s ear and was talking through his mouth (a kind of slimy affair). The accent and the strange mentality: a salami, a salami, my kingdom for a salami!

I have wanted to meet you and being a virtual and relative kind of person, i decided to try. Henry Pinkwater is my father and Ursula Pinkwater (who has compared us in some odd ways having to do with dismantling electronic equipment) is my mum.

So I am your…oh, who knows. But I am a Pinkwater. Did you know if you do a search for Pinkwater you will find a rock group.

William Reed

June 18, 1999

Well thanks a lot, D. Manus Pinkwater; now you’ve really done it!

Our daurhter, Isobel, loves the Blue Moose – ALL episodes. She is 5 and 3/4 and has a small stuffed moose of her own, whom she holds most dear. We made a tape of the Blue Moose for her from Chinwag Theater; she never tires of it. She has learned every line and every inflection. So what could be wrong, I hear you ask?

Now, whenever I ask her to do some humbe, responsible activity such as clean up her room, be kind to her little sister Olivia, or get dressed for school, she looks at me – she produces a knowing half-smirk and deliberately allows for a lengthy dramatic pause….Then she replies: “…NOT at this time,…daddy”

What are we to do?

Thank you so much for your lovely books and wonderful sense of humor and silliness!