Dear Mr. Pinkwater, I think my English teacher has pronounced some kind of a vendetta against you. She gave me a really horrible time about writing about you for my biography, and now she thinks that I am an anti-communist-gay-hating-jerk. You see, I used a few quotes from Robert Nifkin (namely the part about Robert’s homeroom teacher calling him either a “commie” or a “fairy”), except I sort of forgot to put the quotes in quotation marks. As you can imagine her brother is gay and her father was black listed for tolerating communism. Now I might as well be roasted at the stake with a big “F” written on my forehead. But you know what, I’m happy I did my report on you.
Tell your teacher I said she should read the book herself before she condemns you. The fact that you misunderstood it and are now a bigot and an F student is just one of the risks I have to take in the name of Art. This will teach you to actually read the books you report on, instead of renting the video.
