May 3, 1999

Post #843 – 19990503

Hi, Mr. Pinkwater, it’s me again. I changed my name from Charles the Cat to ineffable f because Wallace McGee kept bugging me about how it was “stolen” from your novel. Anyway, I’m writing to ask your help. You see, there’s a lot of tension within our branch of the Wild Dada Ducks, on account of the troubles in Kosovo, and the disintegration of the universe, and… aw, who am I kidding, I really want to ask for advice concerning a girl. Her name is Shakespeare’s Fifth Sonata, and I’m very attracted to her. I asked her if she’d marry me, and she said for me to look her up in ten years. Now she won’t talk to me. What should I do?

Daniel replies:

Ineffable f: Not talking to you is a very good sign. She will be yours--my guess is in 9 years. So rejoice. Use the time to perfect your personality even further.