ineffable f.

July 6, 1999

Post #886 – 19990706

Mr. Pinkwater, Mr. Pinkwater! Do you remember me? I’m ineffable f. I asked you for help regarding a girl named Shakespeare’s Fifth Sonata who was not speaking to me, and you said, “She will be yours, in nine years is my guess. Use the time to perfect your personality even further.” Well, I’ve taken your advice as well as I could, and the results have been as follows:

1. I have acquired some amount of social skills. Flippant Regard gave them to me and taught me how to use them.

2. I may have written a poem, but I’m not really sure.

3. Shakespeare’s Fifth Sonata started talking to me, just a couple of weeks ago.

She insisted that I write her a song, so I did. I think it’s pretty good. Also, she gave me some Corn Nuts. Today, we read passages from Romeo and Juliet to each other at Iron Lemming’s going away party, and the slug is convinced that we’re going to get married. I’m a little worried though. I think maybe this is going too well. How will this impact my ten-year courtship plans? Oh, by the way, I gave her a copy of Lizard Music a while ago, but I don’t think she’s read it yet. If it’s not too much to ask, I’d like you to send her an e-mail encouraging her to read it as soon as possible. She doesn’t have e-mail, so send it to the slug.

Thank you for all your help. If it weren’t for you and your books, I might not be wearing these comfortable pants which I purchased at a thrift store.

Daniel replies:

Yes, it's too much to ask. I just respond in a friendly way to comments posted here by readers. Too bad no one ever told you that uttering, or writing the phrase, ""It's going almost too well,"" unleashes certain powerful and malevolent forces. Congratulations, however, on the corn nuts and the pants.