Stefan Jones

January 1, 1997

Dear Captain:

Many months ago I asked you what I should do with two avacados I’d bought after being inspired by your novel _The Snarkout Boys and the Avacado of Doom_. I turned these into guacamole (that’s Spanish for “guaca sauce”), but thoughtlessly threw away the pits.

Now I have two more fresh avacado pits, and would like to grow them as you suggested way back when. My question: Which side goes up? The skinny side? The fat side? If I get it wrong will the plant grow with its roots in the air until it can no longer hold its breath and drown?

Thank you in advance for your help!

 I believe you're supposed to put the avocado pits under your pillow. Then the Avocado-Fairy will come in the night, and give you lovely dreams. Or kill you--I forget which.