Joe Gratz

January 1, 1997

Hi. I’m 1 16-year-old whose personality and sense of humor have been shaped, molded, twisted, and otherwise warped by “Young Adult Novel”. I got the book when I was 6, read it, and was tickled slightly. Then, when I was 12, I read it again, and was severely tickled. Last year, I began to study Dada — obviously due to some long-dormant, subconscious curiosity brought on by the book. I recently read “Young Adult Novel” again, and was tickled within an inch of my life. After 6 more readings, I passed the book around among my friends, who are quick becoming as odd as I am. Many thanks for helping to turn me into the strange, slightly-annoyingly sardonic odd duck that I am today. Even though it is “a dada story”, things this odd usually have some underlying symbolism. The best I can tell, the Dada Ducks represent the U.S. Government, getting a friendly dictator elected, only to be squashed by him, after all kinds of propaganda. Then again, maybe it has no moral.

And I promise, if I ever open any sort of restaurant, it will be called the Balkan Falcon.

Thanks 1,000,000.25 (the .25 is from my friends who just read the book. They’ll work up to a million soon enough),

Joe Gratz

I emphatically deny that any book or books of mine had anything to do with you turning out the way you have. Everybody knows that books, movies, TV, music have no effect of any sort on individuals or the culture as a whole. With education, guidance, possibly treatment, and maybe incarceration, you can hope to become a reliable member of the work force, a consumer, and a member of a political party. I apologize for having written those books, and am currently in therapy, viewing films made by the Walt Disney Company (tm), with a view to becoming a constructive and acceptable kind of artist. Thank you.