David Pier

January 1, 1997

Mr. Pinkwater — I’ve been putting off writing a fan letter to you since I was seven. That was fifteen years ago! I can’t get over the shock of seeing the new cyberPinkwater. If you wrote Lizard Music today, would Victor watch TV, or would he net surf? I suppose you always were up-to-date.

I loved your books because your heroes did real suburban kid things I could relate to. They didn’t play baseball or sell lemonade; they watched TV and ordered pizza. Watching TV became an adventure! Your books made me start looking for excitement in everyday things. I still look for places like the Snark theater, the beanery in Yobgorgle (I’ve forgotten the name. It’s been a long time and I’ve only seen one copy of that book.) And I look for the right kind of weirdo too: the Chicken Man kind. They’re out there if you look in the right places.

I’m happy to see that you’ve attained guru status. I’m also glad to see that so many fans cite your “middle reader” stuff, instead of the better-publicized NPR essays and the books for little kids. It’s all great, but I think the books in the Lizard Music/Snark Out category are real masterpieces. I have to get that new anthology. It’s scary to think that the books I used to smear ketchup on are collectibles now.

Scary to think that I didn't stash hundreds of copies. Collectibles? How could anyone have predicted that the culture would deteriorate that fast? Even today, I don't amass large stashed of in-print books, because I can't spare the cash. Say, don't any billionaires come to this site to pay homage to their favorite author? And how come those McArthur grants always go to people who do Pythagorean dance to the songs of Kierkegaard played on the Icelandic Oud? I want someone to write me a large check, and solve all my immediate problems.
But enough of that--thanks for finally sending a fan letter.