January 1, 1997

Post #482 – 19970101

Mr. Pinkwater,

I have recently noticed that whenever there’s a lobster character in a picture book its always a bright red color. Lobsters turn red after they’ve been boiled alive. Does this mean the lobster characters are zombie lobsters? The living dead? If this is true, why are they so darn cute? Are all zombies cute? I’m very confused. You’ve written about werewolfs and wempires, any plans for a book about the undead? Maybe you could clear up this issue for me.

Daniel replies:

Paul -- There is nothing cute about Homarus Americanus. These arthropods are moral defectives, despised even by other crustaceans. They lie, cheat and steal. They cannot be trusted even by one another. They spread rumors, and let the air out of people's tires. While it's true that they turn bright red when boiled alive, (which is no more than they deserve), they also do so when caught in an untruth--which can happen at any time. I don't know why you are interested in these ruffians.