January 1, 1997

Post #478 – 19970101

Ok, so I have read your books for a long time, from the age of eight, or maybe five. I still dont like avacadoes, but we all have our faults. I stopped reading your books for a while about a year back, because I had discovered Douglas Adams and the imfamous Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy, funny as hell, but no real fat men, or lizards for that matter(allright, for Adams’s sake, there was one fat man, but he was spending a year dead for tax purposes), and I was feeling lost and confused. I needed a pinkwater fix, so I went to my local library, only to find that some haggis headed yokel had stolen them all! And it wasn’t me! Now the only book I have of yours is the last guru(which I, coincidentaly, stole from a library). Now I cant find your books anywhere, excluding this sight, whic doesnt count because I am only 16 and dont have a credit card. How else can I obtain them? Back door bookcover ripping operations? The chicago mafia? Out of town library? Or can I just break down in tears at my book store? Also, did they make movies out of any of your other books besides the Hoboken Chicken Emergency?

P.S. I am fat and proud, even if it is a bit embarassing in pe. Really, when will it ever come in handy in real life? “Fifty squat thrusts now! Or you dont get the raise!!”

Daniel replies:

Draynen -- OK, listen up. This is for you, Draynen, and anyone else who comes here who's fat, (probably 50% at least), and, actually anyone. You type where it says ""Location"" in your web browser fatso.com . This will take you to a neat site all for and about fat peoples, which is entertaining and enlightening in itself, but.....this is jumping the gun--there will be an official announcement before long...in the quite near future fatso.com is going to post a whole novel of mine, the very hard to find, ""The Afterlife Diet,"" a chapter a day until the whole thing is there. Then it disappears. Thus, a wretched 16-year-old without funds can read something of mine for free. Am I a terrific guy or what?

P.S. Yes, the fact that you're fat will become part of your permanent record.