After hearing about the kerfuffle around the New York state standardized test, I decided to go and reread Borgel. It’s been at least 15 years, and the book is even better than I remembered. Cheers!
After seeing you mention kerfuffle I remembered I haven't eaten kerfuffle for at least 15 years, and I may go to the kitchen to make some. I wonder if we have the ingredients.
Lila Lee:
www.facebook.com/pages/The-moral-of-the-story-is-Pineapples-dont-have-sleeves/319791939211
Ben:
Benny:
PINEAPPLES HAVE SLEEVES.
charlietueats.com/charlietueats.files.wordpress.com/2009/01/pineapple3.jpg
New York State picks some screwed-up stories for their state tests. Sincerely, a student from NY.
William Long:
Ok, so Mr. Pinkwater, a story that you have written has caused a lot of controversy among my school to the point where students are having full blown arguments over facebook. The reason? “Pineapples Don’t Have Sleeves” a story that YOU wrote appeared in our ELA’s, or english language arts test and we were asked this. Which animal spoke the wisest words out of all of them? And Mr. Pinkwater, I want to know which animal YOU think was the wisest, and provide the correct answer if possible.
Bridget Craig:
You may know this by now, but one of your stories was on the NYS test for eight grade! Just like it was in Illinois a few years ago! Actually, it was more of an adaption of The Rabbit and the Eggplant. It wasn’t that much different though. The rabbit was a hare, the eggplant was a pineapple, yada yada yada. I didn’t know who you are before taking the test, but I had to find out which crazy person wrote it so I could enjoy their randomness!
Anonymous 8th grader:
Listen, I love your work, but seriously? Selling out to the state test?
Also, before my class goes crazy, which was the wisest animal in the hare and the pineapple?
OK, here is the deal. There are these companies that make up tests and various reading materials, and sell them to state departments of education for vast sums of money. One of the things they do is purchase rights from authors to use excerpts from books. For these they pay the authors non-vast sums of money. Then they edit the passages according to....I have no idea what perceived requirements. Here is the story as it appears in BORGEL, a novel I wrote. Borgel, who is 111 years old is telling this story and similar ones to his great-great nephew while riding on a bus:
The Story of the Rabbit and the Eggplant
Once there was a race between a rabbit and an eggplant. Now, the eggplant, as you know, is a member of the vegetable kingdom, and the rabbit is a very fast animal.
Everybody bet lots of money on the eggplant, thinking that if a vegetable challenges a live animal with four legs to a race, then it must be that the vegetable knows something.
People expected the eggplant to win the race by some clever trick of philosophy. The race was started, and there was a lot of cheering. The rabbit streaked out of sight.
The eggplant just sat there at the starting line. Everybody knew that in some surprising way the eggplant would wind up winning the race.
Nothing of the sort happened. Eventually, the rabbit crossed the finish line and the eggplant hadn't moved an inch.
The spectators ate the eggplant.
Moral: Never bet on an eggplant.
I don't know how the test publishing company changed the story. I gather they decided to call the rabbit a hare, and made the eggplant into a pineapple. Also there appears to be something about sleeves. And they made up questions for the students to answer. I would not have done any of these things. But it has nothing to do with me. I cashed the check they sent me after about 8 months, and took my wife out to lunch at a cheap restaurant. I believe, she ordered eggplant.
Dear Mr. Pinkwater,
I would like to say Thank you for taking the time yesterday (4/17/12) to speak to my son Brandon, who called you on the telephone after taking the 8th grade NYS ELA in the morning.
Brandon read a passage written by you, and had concerns about the questions that were asked to be identified by NYS ed. dept. I credit my son for his resourcefulness is finding you and calling “the source.” I am filled with gratitude that you took the time to respond to him despite the fact that he probably should not have contacted you at home. Thank you, Thank you, for taking the time to speak with Brandon.
Warmest Regards,
Sara Kansky
(Brandon’s mom)
I explained to Brandon my minimal involvement with the goofy test. (See my responses to other puzzled and outraged test-takers, posted in this forum). He was a pleasure to speak with.
I’m so excited to write to you, I can barely stand it. My son and i are so inspired by your book The Big Orange Splot that we read it several times a month, and I just recently read it to his first grade class, and they loved it, too.
As an artist, I love that it is about never being afraid to be yourself, and when you do, you will most likely inspire everyone around you.
I tear up every single time I read it because for me it is about absolute creative freedom, and that feels exhilarating! It’s what I want my son to know more than anything, to be himself, to be kind to others, and to accept each friend for the unique qualities they bring to this ‘neat street’ we often live on.
Thank you, thank you- for writing this rockin’ book!
I guess it is a pretty good book, but that would not matter at all without cool readers. That is where you and your son enter the picture. Thank you.
Dear Mr. Pinkwater,
The first time I read Lizard Music was over twenty years ago, when I was in fifth grade. It felt like it had been written for me. I don’t think I knew what nostalgia was at the time, but I fell in love with the idea that out there was a rich, undiscovered past waiting for me to find it. I wanted a summer like Victor’s; I wanted my parents to go on vacation for a week so that I could stay up late watching old movies and wake up early to explore the city.
I spent a lot of time at the library. Back then, before everything was online (and with the Memphis library card catalog being woefully incomplete), there wasn’t an easy way to find out about new books by my favorite authors. We had three nearby libraries; every week, we’d go to a different library and look for new Pinkwater books. My favorite (both then and now) was the Snarkout Boys and the Avocado of Death. I remember a description of a baked potato, a hunk of butter, and a thumb that’s stuck with me over half my life.
Every once in a while, I’d find something new. I remember picking up Alan Mendelson for the first time in an ancient library edition – just a hardcover book without a dust jacket. It was one of the few books I read completely tabula rasa, without any idea of what was to come, and it was absolutely wonderful. Every time I found a new Pinkwater book, it was like meeting a friend again; every character was part of a bizarre family that fit together because they didn’t fit anywhere else. I saw myself in Walter and Victor and Leonard Neeble. When I first started to make up my stories, like every other aspiring writer, I aped my favorite author – so I ended up with a bunch of Pinkwater clone stories.
Thanks for writing. My wife and I had our first child last year, and when she’s old enough, I’ll read Lizard Music to her. And I still think of Walter Galt’s dad every time I eat an avocado.
What can I say to rich praise like that, except thanks and God bless you? (I started life in Memphis too).
I just read Author’s Day to my 2nd grade class. It left us wondering if the book was a personal narrative of an experience that you have had on a visit of your own to a school? We are working on personal narratives right now for writing as well as questioning, compare and contrast as comprehension strategies. We had an author visit yesterday so we compared and contrasted the book to our personal experience
This is a very good question. My answer will tell you something about what fiction is, as distinct from non-fiction. It is a combination of a number of experiences, some experiences of my own, and some experiences others may have told me about. Added to that were made-up parts. And what-ifs. I will explain what a what-if is: Just before starting to write Author's Day I myself had made a visit to a school. It was a nice visit, and fairly ordinary, but while I was driving home I thought ""what if certain things had been different? What if they were expecting some other author instead of me? What if they had a chicken, like the kids really did at that other school I visited...no, instead of a chicken what if it was a rabbit?"" See? Fiction is made up of real experiences, sometimes changed or pasted together, made-up things, and what-ifs.
Hello Mr. Pinkwater,
It was interesting reading the other submissions from your fans. Why didn’t anyone write between 1999 and 2012? Were you on vacation?
Anyway, like an earlier group, my Jr. Great Books class just finished reading Blue Moose and loved it. They especially loved your last name and wondered if it was real. My first grade students wrote postcards to Mr. Breton, as the moose and I would love to send you their unedited work. I think you might be tickled.
thank you.
Ms. Hogan’s cloud classroom. (it’s on the 4th floor)
A certain amount of time-travel goes on here. We are all back to the present now.
Dear Mr. Pinkwater,
I am writing to ask your permission on breaking the law. Yes, copyright infringement. I am the proud owner of a copy of Wuggie Norple. As a child it was my favorite, it is the favorite of my 15 year old son and I would like it to be part of the childhood of my soon to be niece who is yet to be named. I have scoured the internet/bookstores/booksellers and have not found a copy for less than $50. While I wish I could afford to purchase it at this price I am afraid I am not of the means to do so. What I am asking is to buy a copy from you at the original price so that I may copy it and send it to said niece. I am a woman of honor and will respect your wishes, so if you must say no then I comply…Thank you for being a part of so many fond memories. Warmest regards, Amy
No one should copy anyone's work with the intent to sell it to another. What one does with one's own property seems to me another matter. For example, if one owns a book, and wishes to make a copy for one's own use, or for the use of another member of the family, and not for profit, should they not be free to do so? Should anyone ask me, of course I would not encourage another to break the law--as to giving permission to break the law, that is not within my gift. There are things one must decide to do or not do entirely on one's own. I hope your niece enjoys the book.
Dear Mr. Pinkwater,
I am a 23 year old college student, and i still read and recommend to my friends any and all of your books. Growing up, your stories taught me the value of knowing a city and how to keep my eyes open for the strange and wonderful things it has to offer. It taught me that Kansas City isn’t so bad after all, something my dad was always trying to show me and i of course didn’t pay attention to. So thanks for that.
This week though i am visiting a girlfriend in Chicago, and while i wander around waiting for her to get off work each evening i find myself wondering where all the wonders of your books are hidden. Basically, i am requesting a Pinkwater tour; are there any sites or smells in this city you would recommend to a life-long reader?
I have always sort of wanted to go to Kansas City, possibly the one in Kansas, but I'd check out Mo too. I have not lived in Chicago in forever, and can't reliably direct you anywhere, but you can do what I would do and just follow your toes. If you are _willing_ to encounter fantastic things, you probably will.
Well, my grandmother and I have gotten into an argument concerning the pronunciation of “Wolluf” that arose when I was reading her “Adventures of a Cat-Whiskered Girl” and she was making cabbage rolls. She says it is simply a stylistic way of spelling “wolf”, but I say it is pronounced “wool-uf”. Which is it? We made a wager, and if I’m wrong, I inherit her dog. I am highly intimidated by that animal.
P.S. What is your opinion of pineapple in kugel? I do not think it belongs.
A wolf is a wolf, and a wolluf is a wolluf. There could be regional dialects in which ""wolf"" is pronounced ""wolluf""--it wouldn't surprise me. You could conceivably address a wolf as ""wolluf,"" but I'd think only if you were on fairly intimate terms with it. I have known a couple of wolves, but not well enough to take the liberty.
I have never heard of pineapple in kugel. It makes more sense to me than pineapple on pizza.
Cabbage rolls interest me more.
Mr. Pinkwater,
I have long enjoyed your books/essays/NPR appearances and more recently your podcasts. This may not be typical, since I at least appear to be a responsible, functioning adult.
There is a wonderful synchronicity between your essays (and presumably your life experience) and your fiction.
I very much appreciate your podcast and listen regularly. I do worry about Webmaster Ed. He often sounds like he has a cold. Perhaps this explains his interest in medicine?
Also, as a formerly fat man, the emphasis of this theme in your work also resonates with me.
Kudos also for including The Two Man Gentlemen Band, one of my favorite bands in the world, in your last podcast.
Kindest regards,
John
P.S.: I hope that at no time any hateful critic calls you “Daniel Stinkwater”.
Readers are always claiming to be, or appear to be, responsible, functioning adults. I have seen no evidence to support these claims.
Webmaster Ed lives in Canada, and works in a hospital. I would be surprised if he didn't have a cold. I believe he is planning a summer vacation in Iceland, as distinct from Bermuda or a place like that, in order to keep his cold going. He believes it adds a kind of sang froid to his podcast persona.
I am a formerly fat man too. Also a presently fat man. I hope your somatotypal alteration was volitional and not the result of bad luck or to do with the economy.
Rhinoviral Webmaster Ed is responsible for the excellent and varied music choices on the podcast. We are lucky to have him. Also note the stylish design and graphics he applies to the serialized novel Bushman Lives.
What is your favorite book you have published?
I don't have a favorite book! I like them all (sometimes), and I think they are all terrible (sometimes).
Hello Daniel!
I just wanted to let you know how much my 7 year old son Colin loves your books and audio CD’s. So far “The Big Orange Splot” is one of his favorites and we just ordered “Wallpaper From Space”, which he also immensely liked.
He especially enjoys hearing the audio CD of “Lizard Music” and requests it each night when he goes to sleep. He’s heard it countless times, but never gets tired of it (excuse the pun!) I think your voice lulls him to sleep Tonight I put on “Looking for Bobowicz”, which just arrived from Amazon. He was very excited to listen to yet another of your marvelous stories.
Thank you, you are a wonderful children’s author and my husband Chris is also a big fan of yours when he used to listen to you on NPR.
Kind Regards,
The Will Family (Jennifer, Chris, and Colin)
That is a pretty nice thing to read first thing in the morning! My whole idea is to write things I would have liked when I was 7, (8,9,26,40, etc.), on the presumption that some other people those ages might like them too. I love hearing that it works!
Hello, Mr. Pinkwater! I get the distinct pleasure of reading “Blue Moose” to my son’s second grade class this coming Friday as part of Junior Great Books. I had a quick question. Can you please let me know where “Blue Moose” took place, what state or part of Canada? I like to include Geography into my lesson. And were any of your characters in “Blue Moose” taken from people in your life in the mid-70’s? And last question, do you listen to any particular genre of music when you write or what type of music do you think would be played at Mr. Breton’s restaurant? Thank you so very much! Jenna
Well, of course it takes place in a book--it's a work of fiction, you know. But, in fact, there was a real Mr. Breton on whom the character is based, and there is a hint about the location contained within the book. I'm not going to tell you what or where it is--maybe you can find it. I have an old recording of Music of the Rain Forest Pygmies, and I always play it while writing. It's real toe-tapping music.
Just finished reading the ArtsySmartsy Club book (2005). Daniel Pinkwater , you have the perfect attitude to be an art instructor at our Girdwood Fine Arts Camp. It is unfortunate that you do not travel by air. The Arts Camp is in the summer so dog sled travel is out too.
Is there a complete list of the books you have written?
Your biggest fan from Alaska,
Tommy SalamiZCGGU
Mr. Salami!
I was an art instructor until I found a way to make a living without being directly exposed to children and the many germs and virii. I would like to visit Alaska in the summer to find out whether the mosquitos in New Jersey are really worse. I think there is a fairly complete list of books to be found somewhere around this website.
Please do not send me any mosquitos
