Cat M. Purplefluff

November 22, 2000

dear mr. pinkwater,

my name is (one resurrected) cat m. purplefluff. i have just recently been intruduced to your excellent literature by a very dear friend of mine and today finished reading young adult novel and the hoboken chicken emergency. i immediately changed the heading of my message board to “every boy should have a chicken”. i hope you don’t mind.

but that is not why i am writing to you. about a month ago, late at night (i am a chronic insomniac, it is currently 2 am in my lovely home of chicago vast northern suburbia) i decided to look up the name of the boy on whom i am currently placing my affections on an internet seach engine, just for fun, to see what comes up. well, what came up was a message he posted here on this very message forum over a year ago to tell you all about the dada ducks club that he started at our highschool. well, after reading that i remembered all about how he and some of my other eccentric male friends had all taken names from daniel pinkwater books (it was a long time before i ceased to be confused as to why the president of mexico was living in america and attending my highschool). due to this rememberence, i decided that i should go to the library and check out some daniel pinkwater books in an effort to better understand my dear friend, who happens to be the boy on whom i have currently placed my affections.

well, tonight i decided, in my boredom and perhaps delirium from a weeklong fever that i have been running, to spend several hours reading the entire archive of this message forum to see what else this certain young male might have posted to you about. through this search, i discovered that this boy once proposed marriage to a mutual friend of ours. at first i was hurt that he came to you for advice when i had so dilligently given him advice on other girls on whom he had placed his affection (he called me answerman). but then i began to wonder why he has yet to propose to me? so, i now seek your advice, how does a girl who just happens to be approxametely 70 lbs short of being the same weight as henrietta get an attractive young daniel pinkwater fan to propse marriage to her?

i am very fond of this young man and have no desire to jeopardize our friendship, i have told him as much. i have absolutely no interest in romantic escapades or mushy, cheesy things having to with kissing (yuck), or dating (double yuck), or all of those other lovey-dovey things that people do in order to make others around them feel uncomfortable. it is just that i have never been proposed to before, and i think that it would be fun to have a young man so fond of me that he feels compelled to propose. what should i do?

sincerely yours, (one resurrected) cat m. purplefluff

ps. in case you are interested the address to my message board is www.insidetheweb.com/mbs.cgi/mb963215.

pps. is it too late for me to become a duckette?

Tyler Schroeder

November 18, 2000

Dear Mr. Pinkwater,

I just wanted to say that your books are tofu and drink to me (I’d say meat and drink, but I’m a vegetarian). I’m totally obsessed. I’ve been nuts about your works of literature ever since I first opened Ned Feldman, Space Pirate sometime this August. I have been diagnosed with a strange disease called Transmittable Pinkwaterititis (Latin Name Literophilia hyrdorosa). It causes an uncanny attraction to your books. It is basically harmless, except for the severe depression it causes due to estrangement from Pinkwater works. The only treatment available is an unlimited supply of your books. I have been somewhat depressed for the past two days because I’d finished all of your books that I checked out at the library. Lucky for me, I will be going there and picking up 23 more today (no kidding–I placed a reserve for practically every Pinkwater book in the library). I’d better bring a big bag.

I also love all the references to food in your books, too. And the junky old cars that run like honey (e.g. the Peugot in the Snarkout Boys and the Baconburg Horror, the Land Rover in The Worms of Kukumlima, even though it didn’t run like honey after the stone stairs, the Dorbzeldge in Borgel, and the Hindustan-eight in Yobgorgle.) Fantastic work!

Sincerely,

Your insanely dedicated devotee,

Tyler A. Schroeder

11 years old

Anonymous

November 16, 2000

i recall listening to a very funny story dp read aloud about his higher expectations for pets that simply learning to sit… where did i see it?

Jim Meehan

November 16, 2000

I’ve been trying to locate a copy of The Wuggie Norple Story for almost two years now with no luck. My brother and I *loved* this book when we were little, and I know we checked it out from our public library more times than I can count. Any ideas on where I might find a copy?

Thanks,

Jim

Zack Weinberg

November 16, 2000

Dear Mr. Pinkwater,

I have been a fan of your work since childhood, when I discovered the Snarkout Boys books in my local public library. Since then I have been wondering about a detail, and this wonderment has been reinforced by _The Education of Robert Nifkin_, so I write you to ask: Did you make up the notebook system of education, or was it actually used in public schools you attended or heard of? And if it was used in real life, where and when?

Thank you,

zw

Brigitte Campeau

October 25, 2000

Dear Mr. Pinkwater,

I had to write you. As a child I “stumbled upon” (I know that’s not true) your books and they changed me for the better. I don’t know if I owe it all to you or not, but I became a kid who was very different and didn’t mind being that way. As I grew older I started to lose that and be more afraid of being me. I would come accross your books here and there, seemingly by chance, but there you were, you kept popping up in my young adult life too. Anyway, I got married and for the past while have been very depressive and unhappy, even though I read a million self-help books and tried so darn hard to be happy by following the guru’s. Anyway, my husband was on the internet one day and flipped on a random over-the-internet radio station. Who should be the second caller to the radio car program he had tuned into? YOU. Talking all about why VW Beetles are great cars for fat people. I was blown away, there you were again. I decided to finish the “Five Stories” book of yours I had found last year in a bargain books store. So far I had only read “Alan Mendelson” and “Slaves of Spiegel” and that had been quite some time ago. I knew I was supposed to be reading the book for a reason. The next story I came upon was “The avacado of Death,” one of my all-time favourites and one I had read before. It was greatly enjoyable but not what I was supposed to be learning from. Then came “The Last Guru” and god did it hit the nail on the nose (i have no idea if that’s an expression or not.) When Harold gives his speech about what the Silly Hats believe in and why they wear the hats I was so impressed. It hit me really hard. The Universe was telling me to stop taking myself so seriously through your story. I had heard the expression “don’t take yourself so seriously” so many times, but until I read Harold’s speech it had never sunk in what that really meant. Anyway, I just wanted to thank you for being such a special part of my life. YOU’RE AWESOME MR. PINKWATER!!!!!!! If you’re ever travelling through Canada give me a shout, I’de love to meet you!

Love Brigitte

James Merrill, Jr.

October 24, 2000

Dear Mr. Pinkwater,

My name is James, I like your books, The Avocado of Death, and The Baconburg Horror. How did you come up with them, was it from your own experience, or did it just pop into your head? Are you going to make any more of them, I wonder what happened to those real-estate agents? I look forward to hearing from you.

PS. I like the people at Blueberry Park!

James D. Merrill Jr.

4th Grader Schurz Elementary School

Watertown, WI

Maureen

October 22, 2000

Hi–

Some time ago (perhaps as long as a year), Daniel recommended — raved about, actually — a children’s book written by a Massachusetts author. It was about two(?) children in the woods in the Mass countryside, perhaps around Concord. Evidently, both the text and the illustrations are exceptional. At the time I heard the review, I was driving and couldn’t take down the info.

Daniel’s recommendation (but, alas, not the title of the book) has stuck in my mind since then, and every once in a while, when I’ve run out of ideas for (yet more) things to send our grandchildren who live in the Massachusetts countryside, I think of that book and Daniel’s enthusiasm for it.

Does anyone know the name of this book? I’d love to get a copy to put into the all-important “Grandma’s bag” for our next visit out to Mass.

Thanks!

Maureen in California

Roger Parazaider

October 20, 2000

dear dp ,i just wanted to thank you for being you,really! i’m a 5th grade teacher and i read your books to my class daily. my humans a not pod! we have enjoyed the Invasion of the Body Snatchers and have tried to compare and contrast it to the White Mountains by John Christopher and to the Snark Out Boys!

you can corespond to us ! r.w.parazaider 5th grade teacher Geneva,IL

Bonnie

October 18, 2000

hello,

Where do you get your humor mr. pinkwater….

you tend to drive me crazy, especially sat. mornings on NPR on my way to work, which i dont want to go because its saturday. At least your irony matches my day though. I have a friend on the net, in irc, who has similar tastes of humor. Who also drives me crazy. I looked around for a few of your humorous stories on the net, but could not find any to cut and paste into our chat room..errr steal em, yea. I invite you to our forum where you could dialog where both of you could send me too my ready room.

I enjoy your humor, really.

bonnie

Austin Franks

October 17, 2000

HI I’m Austin Franks I’m your Biggest fan. I have your audio tapes i have lots of your work. I CANT find the Book Borgel. I have tried everywhere! I also cant find the audio tapes Snarkout Boys and the Avocado of Death. I would really appreciate it if you could send me those books to me! Please give me a reply.

Your Biggest Fan

Austin Franks

:):):):):):):):)

P.S. is the maraphasa a real plant????

Linda Frasier

October 13, 2000

I’m listening to an interview with an actress named Julia Harris on the local public radio station. She has said both “Nussbaum” and “Kellerman” in the course of this interview. Is she messing with my mind?

I just got a couple of werewolf club books, and I like them a lot. Unfortunately, my dog buried my tape of The Baconburg Horror. Now what?

Chunzi

October 12, 2000

Dear Mr Pinkwater!

Do you mind if I translate some of your books into Chinese? I’m thinking of doing it (not publishing it, just translate it so that my friends can read it) because there are a lot of people out there who don’t know what a cool/funny book is like. By the way I got heavily into chess ever since I read ‘The Education of Robert Nifkin’. Thank you very much.

Kathy White

October 11, 2000

Dear Mr. Pinkwater:

A number of years ago I heard you read an essay about your memories of your grandfather. I think it was after he had passed away. It was such a touching tribute that I wanted to get it on tape. Several years ago I tried to get it through NPR transcripts and tapes. Since I had no idea of the date I heard it or what the title of the article was I had no success in locating it.

I would really appreciate it if you could give me the title and enough information about the broadcast to be able to find a printed copy or a tape of the broadcast.

I enjoy listening to you on NPR. I especially like your sense of humor.

Yukon Marla

October 9, 2000

Dear Mr. Pinkwater,

What have you done to me?

Several years ago I decided that Chicago had become too dangerous, and moved back to my real home in Montana, where the only things Id have to worry about were grizzly bears and forest fires. Of course I realized there would be certain sacrifices and certain things I’d miss; i.e., museums and cultural events (oh, yes), ethnic diversity (we have two kinds of people here, Californians and everybody else), and of course good food. And after all these years I had finally gotten to the point where I had just about forgotten there was ever such a thing as really good food, when what do I go and do but read The Afterlife Diet. Most of this book seems to consist of descriptions of everything I have started missing all over again. If you only knew what I’d give for a Chicago style hot dog, an Italian beef sandwich with sweet peppers, Chicago style pizza, bagels and lox, or really good Chinese/Mexican/Italian/Middle Eastern, or any other kind of genuine ethnic food you’d care to mention. Oh, the pain.

Don’t get me wrong. Food here in Big Sky Country is fine if what you really enjoy is tasteless airbread, anything made with huckleberries, or the home smoked flesh of almost any creature you can name. Mind you, certain sophisticated delicacies are available. The same jar of gefilte fish has been sitting on the grocery store shelf since I moved back here years ago, and has begun to take on the aspect of a museum piece, although they do dust it off now and again, hoping to entice some unwary Californian. As a matter of fact, the standing joke among my Chicago friends was that I intended to open a gefilte fish factory here in the Great Northwest where whitefish and pike abound. Yukon Marla’s Good-As-Gold Gefilte Fish, and we even had a jingle. “Yukon Marla’s good-as-gold gefilte fish won’t leave you cold.” Catchy, eh?

The last time I went back to Chicago to visit, I returned to Montana carrying the largest jar of kim chee the Korean grocery had. Unfortunately it leaked and the entire airport knew about it, so I won’t do that again. Wonder how well chopped liver would travel?

Thank you for all your (other) wonderful and entertaining work.

Your newest fan,

Yukon Marla