Wilbur Daedalus

February 19, 2020

Kevin Shapiro

I’ve formed a council of immortal beings (me, my sister, and our weird friend who loves Beethoven) to adopt a boy, after the wild dada ducks. His name is Jacob and he has extremely long white blond hair. We feel that he is the greatest and most pure human being to currently walk the earth. We have decided that all of his friends and most of the people in Jacob’s life don’t love and support him as they should, so we would like our boy to be more appreciated. This week he’s going to get delivered to him: a singing valentine, a slice of peanut butter cake, and as a token of our love, cards will be distributed in the school bathrooms proclaiming his greatness. We hope this doesn’t end in us getting pelted in soggy grape nuts.

Daniel replies:

I can practically guarantee you will be pelted with soggy grapenuts. Consider it a rite of passage, and evidence that you failed to grasp the warning in my book.