May 11, 1999

Post #848 – 19990511

Dear Daniel:

Geez, and I thought I was a rabid Pinkwater fan! Regardless . . . As a long-time reader of your books, I have the great pleasure of inviting you to speak at the Jewish Cultural Council of Grand Rapids, Michigan. Ours is a city in serious need of a big orange splot . . . and possibly some intergalactic chili. Furthermore, we promise not to confuse you with another author, speak dada, or forbid you from wearing a tallis.

Please let me know if you would be willing to visit our small community someday.

Your Pal,


Daniel replies:

What is it, the Jewish Cultural Council of Grand Rapids, Michigan? If that isn't a made-up name, I never heard one. You must think my brain has deteriorated way more than it has. Listen, Joey-boy, I happen to be one of the 40,000 Americans abducted by space aliens each year, and I know a set-up when I see one. Also, if you were legitimate Jews, and not green or grey men, (quite possibly Jewish--I don't know), from another galaxy, you'd hardly suggest I eat chili while wearing a tallis--not directly proscribed, as far as I know, but somehow not in the very best of taste. So, if I were simple enough to accept your invitation, I'd be snatched once again, and then the annoying medical exam, and the prodding by curious space-types. No thanks. I'll just sit here and write my little books, you paskudniak.