Matthew Crain

September 20, 2013

Dear Mr. Pinkwater,
One Saturday back in September or October of 1983 I met you in the dining commons of Bard College. –Actually, this Norwegian girl I was in love with poked me and said, "Oh my god, there's Daniel Pinkwater!" Me being from Kentucky, I said who, and she said, "You never read 'The Snarkout Boys and the Avocado of Death?' And I let you kiss me!" And now thirty years later I've just finished "Alan Mendelsohn," and I enjoyed every word. When Alan says, "I'm not scared of him, I've read 'Moby Dick"–it's one of the best lines ever. I'm going to give my eyes a rest and then go straight to the "Slaves of Spiegel." These are excellent stories, Mr. Pinkwater. Simply excellent.
Your fan,
Matthew Crain

Here is what is wrong with your story--if you are to be believed, (which I do not), it places me in the Dining Commons at Bard College in1983.  In that year I was old enough to know that even entering that place, let alone eating or drinking anything, was a risk not worth taking.  Are you sure the Norwegian girl did not say, ""Oh god, there's Leon Botstein,"" or ""Oh god, I have terrible stomach cramps?""  Incidentally, reading books of mine one after another may result in the same utterances coming from you.