Jason Ward

May 17, 2001

Dear DP,

When I was a kid, I used to blow off assigned reading in favor of your books. My parents and teachers thought I was crazy. “Talking lizards and dancing chickens!” they would scoff. “That won’t prepare you for life. You’ll see.” But I stood by my guns and kept reading.

Well now I’m a 28 year old unemployed alcoholic. They were right.

I’ll see you in hell, Pinkwater.

Respectfully,

Jason Ward

You owe me an apology. I submit that reading my stuff is perfect preparation for being an 28-year-old unemployed alcoholic. Ingrate.