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A long time ago I ate lunch at the (real life) Magic Moscow for many years. More recently I've been working in midtown Manhattan. I once saw a guy selling ice cream from a truck who was wearing an $80,000 watch, and not a counterfeit one either. I got to know the ice cream truck guys a little bit and a lot of it is about fighting for their corner space and warding off competitors. I never found out anything that would explain the watch.
That was a few years ago. Given the trend in fine jewelry prices the watch would be worth even more now.
My watch is solar-powered, waterproof, shockproof, receives a nightly radio signal from the Atomic Clock in Boulder, Colorado, so it is accurate to within a ten-thousandth of a second, has a little light in it, has a calendar that shows day, date and year, and adjusts for leap years, also a stopwatch, and it cost $35. With the $79,965 I saved, I bought an enormous quantity of ice cream.
I am writing to inform my childhood hero that I am now in Madison, Wisconsin studying astrophysics and send my kindest regards from the land of snow and cheese. I would like to to offer to treat Mr. Pinkwater and Jill to the dairy product of their choice should they ever happen to pass through the area.
Best always,
-M. Wojtaszek
Mmmm. Snow and cheese--an unbeatable combination. I fondly remember the cheese-cones at the county fair. And a melted snow on rye is always a treat. I, myself, once visited Madison, Wisconsin, and took note of a large university, which I suppose is still there. The people were kind to me, and dairy products were offered in abundance. It was about that time I saw that it would be my destiny to be a childhood hero. Naturally, I am proud of you.
I love your books!!!!!!I am your bigest fan!!!!!!!You should write a book about pie loving llamas!!!!Can I have an autograph?????????????????
All the llamas I have ever net liked turnovers and crullers, also muffins--I didn't know they loved pie. Send me a self-addressed, stamped envelope, and I will send you an autograph.
Hello! I am a 23 year old English teacher (7th grade) and I grew up with your books. As a kid, I would spend hours at the library grabbing random books off the shelf and reading them. Anyway, I read a book as a kid that I am 99% sure is one of yours, but no one can tell me the title of this book. It's about a boy who travels with his uncle in a RV shaped like a pickle, and they go across the country going to every fast food restaurant in chain. The restaurant has a slogan that went "Cluck cluck, it's in the bag!" There was a witch who could make their toes hurt. Anyway, if it's a story of yours, then you'll know it by now. Title??
Kiera
Not mine, but come back and tell us the title when you find out--I want to read it!
I'm a longtime fan of yours, Mr. Pinkwater, and I recently became interested in the art of graphic novelizations. Unfortunately, my ideas aren't as creative as yours. Would you be offended if I were to adapt Alan Mendelsohn from its original novel-format? I could send you a finished copy before I showed it to friends, or strangers if I don't have any friends.
the drawing-not-thinking man,
Josef Sipkins
I don't know--would you be offended if I sued you? I suggest you graphicize Treasure Island or some other book whose author is past needed it to contribute to his economic survival. Thanks for asking first.
Dear Mr Pinkwater,
I love your books because
they are funny and good. I like second grade ape
because the gorilla goes to school. Once
my class studied you. Me and my teacher
love you!
Lukas
I love readers like you because they are smart and good. I also like gorillas a lot. I am happy to learn that I was studied--it is good that you are learning to be psychiatrists in first grade!
Daniel,
We have two 2 1/2 year olds and read The Orange Splot. I am curious whether the book has any relationship to the house in Upstate New York that was painted much like Plumbean's (because he was angry at the town - Hoosick Falls or nearby). it stayed that way for years.
Thanks. We enjoy the book.
Mike, Amanda Jake&Becca
None whatsoever. I live in nearly upstate New York, and am familiar with the mentality you describe. Mr. Plumbean was not like that.
Dear Mr. Pinkwater,
I am a first-year reading teacher in a high-poverty, low-test score district in western New York state. Motivating students to WANT to read was a hiccup in my new career...that is until I stumbled upon one of your stories in a 3rd grade reading anthology "Guys From Space." I thought the story had the perfect quirkiness to it and insisted the classroom teacher do the follow-up activity which was "How to Make a Root beer Float." What a hit! We dressed up with funny hats and had on lab aprons and made root beer floats with the class. Since then I have sought out more books to use with my remedial readers. They love you and want to read and read....So far we've read and trully enjoyed The Neddiad, all of the Blue Moose stories, Guys From Space, Looking for Bobiwicz and a few more short stories. Thank you for writing and we look forward to discovering more of your stories. I certainly appreciate your website where I can find listening activities for the students. We all love to hear you read!
Thanks so much,
Ms. CodyAnne Weise
This is neat! I'm no reading specialist, but I think if you go light on the dead-and-alive reading materials and start making a list of engaging and enjoyable books, (mine and others), you'll continue to get results. I try to write books I would have liked reading as a kid--and that seems to do the trick. Tell the kids hello from me, and thanks for reading my stuff.
Dear Rosenwasser:
I humbly apologize if I offended you by mentioning that diminutive sf writer with the high I.Q., but the expression "you people" should probably be retired until it comes from the mouth (or other orifice) of an extra-terrestrial, robot, or genetically modified Earth animal.
I am especially grateful to you since I met my wife in 1983 partly because she had volunteered to read *Lizard Music* to the children in my class. Of course, I immediately fell in love with her weird taste, and for several nights tried in vain to tune my old tv between stations in the hope of catching some Reynolds playing reptilian rock.
Did you,in fact, visit Los Angeles in the fifties, as suggested by The Neddiad? It reminded me of my elementary school years in Beverly Hills with the children of actors.
Best Wishes,
Howard Cowan
In some kind of mix-up the esteemed webmaster reversed the replies attached to your post and the one in immediate propinquity. I simply meant to indicate in an offhand way that Mr. E's fans and adherents dote upon him, love him, think about him constantly, revere and admire his literary works, espouse his philosophy, and are wild-eyed, unrestrained in their enthusiasm, and rightly so. But torchlight parades, drums, jazz bands frenzied speeches and pyrotechnics should be taken to the websites, dedicated to the purpose, and possibly provided by the College of Miracles. This one is for quiet contemplation and scholarly exchange, capishe? And how do you know that I am not an extra-terrestrial, robot, or genetically modified Earth animal?
Mr. Pinkwater,
I'm sending this on to you. It's a fragment from a much longer post of mine posted over on Harlan's board (The Art Deco Dining Pavilion) on Tuesday morning. I have not included the full post because it contains many meta-fictions and R rated in-jokes not appropriate to some of the folks who might post here. The Pinkwater-centric section is as follows;
... But what I forgot to tell Harlan while on the phone with him was that I snagged that Pinkwater exchange from a few days back and I'm wondering if careful readers (nany thanks to a friend for pointing this out to me - said friend has wisely fled this country - and then two others) that Mr. D.M. Pinkwasserschlosser has **CUT** our beloved hero in his response with the surgical placement of a hyphen. This is JUST the sort of sneaky thing one might expect from the man behind the HOBOKEN CHICKEN CONSPIRACY, the sort of horror the creator of I WAS A 2ND GRADE WEREWOLF might inflict. But since I'm a "big" fan of LIZARD MUSIC and FAT MEN FROM OUTER SPACE and BLUE MOOSE and others, I'm just going to stand back and admire this clash of titans from afar. A WAY FAR OVER HERE.
Good Morning.
- Barney Dannelke
Another one! What are we, Harlan's other mailbox?
Dear Daniel:
I am a retiring (but not shy) physics and chem lab teacher to small wombats, grandson of a Romanian-Jew bookbinder,
husband to the Queen Seraphim of Library Goddesses, servant to two furry canines from the pound, and your humble, etc.. . .
In the faint chance that you haven't seen it yet, "The Rabbi's Cat" (a graphic novel) is worthy of your attention.
In a less ambitious vein, try an episode of "The Secret Show" on Cartoon Network--especially the "frame" program--"The Fluffy Bunny Show." Seriously giggleworthy.
Good to hear from Harlan. He needs to write the screenplay to "Childhood's End" by Arthur C. Clarke, and Ridley Scott needs to direct.
Howard Cowan
You people have your own website, do you not?
Dear Daniel and Jill,
I know this moose isn't blue but I thought he might be a friend of the blue moose. Check out this moose kicking a ball around!
http://www.cannedpets.com/video/moose-kicks-a-ball-around
Fran
What a nice moose! Any soccer team would be glad to have him! Thanks for sharing this nice video.
Mr Pinkwater
I do declare that your books are one of the best things that happened to me. Without them, I would not be looking forward to high school. Alan Mendelshon, the Snarkers, and the Wild Dada Ducks have spurred me on to actually get into high school, where I plan to start a Dada Ducks club of my own...if that is acceptable? Also, the Great Popsicle (mine dog) sends his regards.
Dan Quixote, Lord of La Mancha
I foresee encounters with the authorities for you. Kindly do not mention my name while being fingerprinted and interrogated. I wish you a successful high school career.
Dear Mr. Pinkwater: I am seven years old and I am reading your book "Superpuppy". I think you did a great job on it. I wonder why you wrote this book? Do you have any other dogs besides Maxine and Lulu? I have two dogs, JoJo and Lucy. I picked out this book from my school library because I want a German Shepard when I grow up. I really enjoyed this book.
Thank you,
Jerica
Thank you! Is the copy of Superpuppy you are reading the one with Lulu's picture (when she was 4 months old) on the cover? She is 11 1/2 now. Maxine II is 5. They are our only dogs. We wrote the book because we thought it might be helpful to people like you.
Dear Senor Plonkwanker, Sir:
Try not to cozzen me. Contumely and vernicious featherbedding will not serve, my good sir! We are on to you, Honkwafer. Let loose the Hounds of Hell, I say; unleash the dogs of war; unzip the Borzoi of Fecundity! This cavalier attitude of yourn cannot long prevail, not with the new sprinkler system we've installed, shiny new Japanese plastic piping it is. This is your last warning. Cease your infamous rodomontade and return our yearling.
Yrs. in hypothermia, Jack/Doc/&/Reggie
I attempted to render this message using the Google translator--however it does not yet have an Senile Glossolalia-to-English feature. I did, however, have better luck with my 1948 Captain Midnight Secret Squadron decoder badge. Readers in possession of that decrypting tool, and particularly those with an interest in Abnormal Psychology will find the text of interest. (I regret I can't post the plain-language version here, in deference to the sensibilities of the number of children and child-like adults who attend this forum.) Notwithstanding, it is always an honor to hear from such a distinguished short story-writer.
Dear Daniel,
May I call you Daniel? I'd like to, because you already seem like a dear old friend. Rainy Morning is my particular favorite because something about it makes my husband giggle uncontrollably as we read it aloud to my son. Rainy mornings in our house are no longer complete without some corn muffins, some soggy animals, and Beethoven on the stereo (he never seems to appear in the flesh, which is a good thing, I suppose). Now if only I could find a small European circus...
Thank you for the website, the podcast, and the list of your and Jill's books. I look forward to tracking down a few more gems to keep my 8 year old reluctant reader going and giggling.
You may call me anything you like. I am so happy you mentioned Rainy Morning, which has such wonderful illustrations by Jill!
How do you explain the undeniable Pinkwaterianism of the 1915 silent movie "Lady Baffles and Detective Duck in the Dread Society of the Sacred Sausage?"
The Audio Books are sublime and extraordinarily generous. Will "Alan Mendelsohn, Boy From Mars" be joining them?
Various ancestors of mine may have crossed from Poland to the movie
colony and back again--and also assumed various names. The family history is murky and obscure.
I'm glad you're enjoying the audio books. Please tell your friends, or strangers if you have no friends. Alan Mendelsohn may possibly be presented.
Regarding the request for the author of the book series "Secretary Hawkins", I believe I know the author. I have been doing some geneology and family history and found a note that says a family member wrote the series. Her name is Wilhelmina M Schulkers and she was born 17 Jan 1877 in Covington, Kentucky and she died 20 Nov 1957 in Elsmere, Kentucky. She may have had help with the books from her sister Mary M Schulkers (B: 1881) or her brothers, Robert Francis Schulkers(B: 1890) who was the editor of a publishing compnay and Francis L Schulkers (B: 1893).
Many thanks to you for clearing up this mystery!
Dear Mr. Punkwasser:
I have just completed reading Vol. 7 of your masterwork chrestomathy YO-YO MAN, and I must tell you I found it turgid, exploitative, ephemeral and unclean. The content of social conscience and jam was minimal; and the dog looks a lot like the recycling of, ahem, a vaporous canine from otherwhere. I have alerted not only the American Booksellers Association and the necessary postal authorities, but the strike-force action committee of the International Wombat Storm Window and Bidet Protectorate. We will soon drive you to ground, Plinkvetter, lay you by your heels, hoist your petard and otherwise conflate your dudgeon...no matter its height!
Y'never calls no more. Was it something I said? Was it EVERYTHING I said? Or are you done using me like an old bedroom slipper, and hath cast me away, seduced and abandoned?
Piteously, Yr. Pal, Harlan
Harlaneleh! Every time I called you first put on that pathetic Pakistani accent, then pretended not to know me, and followed up with a Niagara of contumely and billingsgate, references to interspecies coupling, and applied loathsome epithets to my mother. After 20 years of this, I began to suspect that you might not be happy to hear from me. I see they've let you have a computer. What this spells for the fate of the internet, I do not like to think.
My mom and I just read your short story The Lone Ranger from the Guys Read Book.We really enjoyed the story,but we cant figure out what the profession of the father is so can you please email us back with the answer of the question.
I never figured it out either. Glad you liked the story.
